My Way or No Way

So, I'm beginning to think that we, as a society, have a view of love that is a bit "off"...which both affects how we give AND receive love. But maybe I'm just having a couple of "weird" weeks? Or maybe I ate some bad Chinese.


If I may, some of what I've observed when it comes to loving others, is that so often, we heap conditions after conditions, and it's always on OUR terms....and that's IF we choose the particular individual in which to divulge our affection on. If WE don't choose THEM, well, then, that's a whole different story.


And this my friends saddens me to no end, for love becomes nothing more than a self gratifying object, in which to bring pleasure to ourselves, when we want, or have time and how we want. It's nothing more than something of entertainment or pleasure, that we could purchase in the store. It becomes dirty, tainted, and worthless.


But what about if we could offer a different kind of love? And receive ourselves a better type of love?


Does it even exist??


I would venture to say it does, but probably requires oneself to put their hearts "out there" or be vulnerable.


Last night, I was reminded of a great quote from C.S Lewis, by a friend, and it states, "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."


So what's my point??


True love is out there, and I'm not just talking about love between opposite genders, but friendships, and really all relationships!


So often, we shut the "doors of our heart", shutting people out. This can look different for everyone. For some it may be an actual lack of vulnerability, for others, they get lost in the busyness of the day to avoid fully giving over their heart to others, and the list goes on.


The sad thing is, not only does THAT person lose, but as I've said in countless blogs before, we ALL lose.


We all seek to be loved, yet are fearful, I think fearful that we will be rejected or not accepted....but I wonder....if we could, as C.S Lewis wrote, be vulnerable, I wonder how that would change how we even love? And WHOM we love?


What do YOU think?


Maybe instead of choosing who we want to love and when we have the time to love, maybe our ways become less important, when we see the fruits of "vulnerability".


Hmmm...



Thoughts???.....

I'm a Survivor

This evening I was reading a blog entitled, I am a Survivor. If you want, feel free to check it out... http://twloha.tumblr.com/post/6665063244

It is written by an organization that encourages those who struggle with addictions, pain, depression, cutting, suicide...you name it! It's definitely for the broken.

Anyways, if you don't get a chance to read that blog, it was pretty much talking about a woman who was abused sexually, three years ago to be exact, and she talks about her pain. She shares how there are days where she's happy and experiencing much growth, and then there are those days, where she feels like she is right back in the thick of the pain that took place three years ago, as if no time elapsed.

She goes on to share how she has realized she is a survivor. And even as she shares that, she fears the label itself, "survivor". She shares how society, and even the closest of friends and family can look at another's story, or pain, or even "label" and possibly see weakness, fragility, disease or any other list of less than strong words.

But what she closes with in admitting her story and her "label", if you will....is that in her pain and weakness, new friendships have formed, and other hearts have been encouraged through it all....all of those people who have been willing to accept her, for who she is, brokenness and all.

Her story deeply touched my own soul, and hit close to home on so many levels.

And as I am sitting outside a coffee shop in the quiet of the night, what stirs in my head most is how we, in different ways, are all survivors. Some of us are survivors of very real wars, others are survivors of abusive homes or relationships, or addictions, or maybe survivors of various other hardships.

So often, I think what stops us from sharing our stories with others and the pain they hold, is the shame in our weakness and pain. Or maybe even fear of judgment from others in how we survived/coped.

I've seen this even in my own story.

Growing up, I found various ways to hurt my body, in which to numb my experiences and hurt. And sometimes, in sharing my story, I fear peoples reactions or how they will look at me now, as a person when they hear the stories of parts of my life.

I've even seen this with a friend of mine. Her husband is an ex-gang member, an alcoholic and is now going to jail. He has two beautiful kids, and some would say he is a horrible dad, as he shares his story. But let me tell you, he loves his little kids.

What does all this mean??

That there is power in our stories. There is power in us sharing with others about our current pain or struggles. Or our past ones too.

We need each other, people! Our stories weren't meant for just us, or for just our immediate family. But for everyone! Otherwise it leaves with our passing.

I need your story! And you need mine.

There will be people that reject your story, and maybe even you, but don't stop! You never know how it may encourage another. It may even save a life. Your story, your words...could just be the words to keep someone going another day. Don't wait till someone asks for it, but rather in boldness be willing to offer it.

I don't know about you, but my soul thirsts for this. To walk together with others, sharing the waves of life, and offering authenticity that lies in our past, and in our stories.

I am a survivor of abuse, both from myself and others. And I have a story to tell.

What about you?

Is it worth it?

With June approaching speedily, so comes students of all ages graduating. From the youngest of young, to the oldest of old, graduation may be experienced in one way or another. With graduation comes change, and change, as we all know is not always the easiest for us to "roll" with.


There are those who may be graduating, and experiencing the change of going to college, or getting a "real" job :)...


And there may be those who are experiencing the change of their sweet child growing up, graduating into more than just college but life.


All of these, whatever the change, are not always easy, and sometimes we are less than willing to look at the hardship, or even be willing to walk through all the implications of the changes.


This can definitely be a season of change that is hard for many.


I look at change, or the offer to walk through change, as an extended hand being held towards us, offering us something. In my case, Father's hand.


We are being offered something, of which we may not be entirely sure of fully...yet.


Many times, when we are offered something, or asked to do something, we almost ALWAYS ask ourselves what the cost of it will be versus the direct benefits it may have for us.


"Will it be painful?


Will it take much of my time and efforts?


Can I even do it?"


....vs. benefits such as, "What will I gain from it?


Do I even WANT to do it?" And the list may go on.....



Do you think about these?


I know I ask these questions. These are questions that I'm CURRENTLY asking. In my new season, I know Father is extending His hand to me...He's offering me something, something more. But I know this....the cost will be great. I don't know much, but I know that in order for me to move forward and keep growing I will need to accept that extended hand that is being offered to me.


And the thought scares me. Here's an honesty moment between you and I....my heals are a bit dug in right now, too scared to grab that hand and all that that will imply.


Maybe that's where you are at too? Or maybe not...


I don't know where you are at, but Father is such a gentleman. He always waits till we are ready or until we grab His hand. And sometimes for some, He sends certain people in your life to give a gentle push into grabbing hold of that extended hand.


Whether you are ready or willing to grab hold of His hand being offered or NOT, ask yourself this....


Is it worth accepting His hand, in order to move forward, into change, and step out of hurt, pain and confusion??


Do you gain more in moving forward and taking His hand, and taking that risk, or do you gain more by staying stuck? And are you willing to bring people along with you??


Well...


So..... is it worth it?

What can I do for YOU?

I don't know if it's an American theme, or if this is found else where as well, but I feel like I hear the phrase, "What can I do for you?", quite often. I've heard it from telemarketers, various customer service reps from the companies that I pay bills to, to even servers at restaurants. It seems like so often we are trying to figure out what we can do for someone?...our kids, spouses, bosses, in ministry, whatever...

Now don't get me wrong, that's NOT a bad thing. Shoot, check out half of my blogs! You'll find that most of my blogs touch on loving others, and seeking to not forget and love those around you and that are hurting! So I'm not saying that's wrong. Here me right.

What I AM saying is this....how often do you let others help YOU? How often do you let people into your life...whether it be in areas of pain, joy, confusion, anger, whatever! How often do you do that? Take a moment and think about that....

Ok, moment's up :). Well, I'll just say that I RARELY do that, I don't know about you. I'm so used to taking care of things for myself, and not asking anything from anyone. This has allowed me to not need to trust in anyone, in case that they let me down or don't come through. This is so much in grained into my subconscious and being, that I won't ask for help, not wanting to bother anyone with things going on in my heart, or even something silly like allowing someone to buy me lunch. I can tell you that I've probably missed out on TONS of blessings from others, that were coming straight from the Father to me.

I say this, because we have these hearts that are willing to care for another in some capacity or another, but allow our OWN hearts to be neglected or cared for, or even share them. Folks, we NEED each other. It's not really an option for us. If we are to pour into others, our hearts must be poured into. We have nothing to pour into another, if our cups are empty.

For those of you readers that believe in Jesus, I think of a verse in the book of Hebrews that says, "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage each other all the more as you see the day drawing near". Plain English, that's reminding us that we need to be in community together. Not only our families, but those outside our circle, and not just anyone either. We need people that can call us out on things that we need calling out on, but can also encourage us. We need people that can love US, into being the people that Jesus wants us to be, not just staying in our comfort zones.

This takes being willing to see past what is comfortable for us, or what we know. This isn't easy for me, as I'm sure it won't be for you, but I'll tell ya what....I don't want to miss out on more blessings, and not only that, my heart longs to be cared for, known and loved deeply, as I'm sure yours does too. And the only way we can experience that, is allowing others into our circle, into our hearts to speak into us. To fill our cup. And the beautiful thing is, is when our cup is being filled, it always spills into others cups, even the one doing the pouring.

Let us take time to slow down our days, to spend time with others, and to ask for help, to ask for prayer, to share "ourselves" and the deep places with others. When we do that we not only get blessed, but bless in return.

So before you figure out how to fill your days, trying to open your eyes to who you can bless, encourage and help...make sure you are allowing for that in your OWN life, and with the right people.

Thanks for listening...be filled!

I am Human....

So, each month in Long Beach, there is a program there that provides a breakfast to those who are in need or homeless, and then an opportunity to get free groceries and even clothes afterwards, of which I have the good pleasure of being apart of.

I have to say, what I look forward to most, is hanging out with this special group of misfits that have spirit, they have stories of brokenness, some of redemption, others still searching, all of whom don't try to hide who they are, or where they've been. Partially because it's written on their faces, hands, and clothes. Some would call them homeless, but I call them friends.

So often, we as people, and dare I even say Christians, run from suffering. Both in our own lives, and in the lives of people around us. Maybe it makes us uncomfortable, or maybe we don't know what to do with it, both in ourselves and others. Who knows?! But after chatting with my friends that reside in riverbeds, I can't help but feel a bit discontented or maybe just longing for more.

Take my friend Dave-o for instance. Most people don't give him the time or day to chat with him because they see a toothless dirty man, with grungy hair. He often gets treated in a sub human manner, and ignored. And let's be honest, most of us just keep walking, and probably all while we are assuming that they are at fault for their current predicament (which in some sense comforts us to be able to walk on), forgetting what we saw. However, for those who have stopped, and taken a moment to chat with Dave-o, you will soon be enraptured with a man who may be dirty, but LOVES Jesus more closely than most, and lives a life of purpose and passion. And can I just say Dave-o is stinkin' smart! Dave-o carries no shopping cart of goodies, but only totes a messenger bag full of bibles, gospel tracks and bible study books. This supposed sub-human not only shares his story and God's love to who ever is willing to listen, but comes each month to this monthly food drive, not to take one item. He comes for the sole purpose of chatting with me and another person that also works this program.

This weekend he began asking me and another friend about our life, and the condition of our heart, etc. And we asked that of him, as well. We even unintentionally challenged each other with things that God may be asking of us. I remember leaving our time together, feeling deeply enriched, having experienced the Holy Spirit, but also feeling discontented and wanting more. I can't help feel like Dave-o is what the book of Hebrews calls, "Angels Unaware". Whatever the case, I want more of what Dave-o has, both his unrelenting, and passionate love for Jesus and his vulnerability.

I want to have those in my life that push me for vulnerability, challenge me, aren't afraid of being honest with me, and that also open their arms to those things in their own lives. I'm just reminded of how short life is, and how unpredictable life can be, and just HOW much we need each other.

I'm sure most of us share what we want with those we want, to the degree we want. What a tragedy that is! Really! I mean, how many struggles may be going on in the hearts of those around you, all of which is being unshared, and cared for, all because there is no sign or trend of that in any other person around them! I wonder...how many suicides could have been prevented?! How many people kept from cutting?! How many bottles or pills put down.....you get the point. We so often don't take even the simplest of steps, like Dav-o, of just asking how another's heart is, and not being content for a watery answer, but wanting stock, wanting the core of what's in another's heart, and pushing for it, fighting for more in another.

I am human, as each of you who are reading this, also are! And in being human, we are broken, sinful, lost, hurting people, in need of each other, as well as the Father. There is no shame in that.

Let us take Dave-o's example and step out into relationships! Keep those around you accountable, pray for them, speak into their lives, challenge them, love them, ask them questions about the condition of their heart...and let them ask that of you. Let people into your mess, and go into theirs, for in the mess is where we find Jesus lurking, wanting to heal, restore, challenge, encourage and love us in. The more we walk past that toothless, grimy area, the more we miss out on something more, something rich, and special. But it takes entering into the mess, and getting uncomfortable, but not alone. Never alone.

Giving the gift of love...

With Valentines coming up tomorrow, it got me thinking on the topic of love. In our world, we are, and probably always have been, VERY "me" focused. And this certainly doesn't change when it comes to love. Think about it! Do you truly seek out and love those who maybe don't love you back, or that treat you harshly, or that have no love to give in return??? Well??? Well, I don't know about you, but I probably don't, not very often at at least. It's hard isn't it?!

We so often seek out those who will love us best, or that we look up to, or at least have something to offer....ALL of which there is NOTHING wrong with! We so often chose those we desire to love, and leave it right at that, in life....Rather than letting those who are in need of that type of love choose us, allowing them into our sphere. Does that kinda make sense?? In short, we like to control our lives, into lives that are within our comfort, in all areas, not only love. 'Cause let's be honest...it's scary and maybe even annoying to allow others into your lives, those that maybe are emotionally needy, or have no one in their life, or that have addictions or other issues. In a society where we feel the need to fix and have answers, or be comfortable, people that fit the previous sentences' description can cause anxiety and discomfort in us.

I totally get it, and understand how it interrupts our way of life...however, the only problem is, that if we keep life as is, and don't let these wounded souls into our lives with willingness to shower them with love and going out of our way to care, people lose. And not just any one...those who already are the forgotten, the wounded, the lost, etc. There are those that are chained to addictions, cutting themselves, abuse, abandonment, or any number of things, and all because they feel alone, unlovable, unwanted, or abandoned. Mother Teresa states, "being unwanted, unloved or cared for by anyone is a far greater poverty in this world, than world hunger".

It's so much easier to love those that are in our lives, or those we have chosen as friends, but let us open our circle wider, to those who feel love has never knocked at their door. Let us love without expectations or bounds. Love HARD!

So as Valentines Day is just around the corner, I pray that you would give the gift of love to someone who needs it most. Go out of your way to make sure that they know that they are loved, and truly special. And you may be surprised who feels most blessed, the receiver or the giver.

Happy Valentines,
K

The Least, the Last, and the Lost

I don't know about you, but I wish I could sometimes install an off switch for my mind. It never seems to stop thinking about things, analyzing, processing, etc. This can be good, or sometimes not so great, and ALWAYS annoying. :)

Well, lately I find myself in a very discontented place in terms of community.

Ya know, I look at these pictures of children who have been abused, and my heart is saddened. But what speaks even louder to my soul is this thought-- I wonder just how many of you feel like that in the inside at times. This beaten, bruised, lonely and desperate for relief-- feelings in YOU. We all have them at times. These can be things that were put in you from others, or things you put in there yourself. But so often we stick to the surface, and portray this persona of strength.

And I guess my soul is just tired of that. Tired of it within myself, and tired of it within others.

It continues to be increasingly hard to break through this in people, and I'm not sure if my ways of going about it are wrong, or if people's walls are just that much more stronger. But my soul LONGS for these deep connections and seeing God work amongst them in their weaknesses.

As I continue to pray through this feeling of discontent, I am beginning to feel a pull towards being in community with the least, the last and the lost. I feel like God may be calling me to prayerful seek out a few people from maybe Hawaiian Gardens, who are homeless, and even those struggling with addictions.

I think so often, we consider them our ministry, rather than our friends, or our community. We look for those like us, and call them friends. Yet, what I'm finding, hopefully not sounding judgmental, is that we tend to forget our brokenness. But ya know, those on the street, struggling with problems, addictions, joblessness, etc. They know that they are broken. They know that they are lost. There's no hiding the stench on their clothes, or the hunger in their stomach or the tracers on their arm from shooting up. And that my friends, sounds sooooo appealing to me, and so refreshing to me.

I don't want to live in the comforts of my warm home, and nice car and forget my brokenness. But I want to be emersed in it. I want to daily face it, and not just live in the memory of a story of brokenness. I want to sit with those that struggle and don't have it figured out. I want to sit with those who are lonely. Because that's each of us...despite how we hide it. Well, that's at least me, I'll admit it.

Henri Nouwen has a beautiful quote that talks about this very thing. He says.... "We need to be angels for each other, to give each other strength and consolation. Because only when we fully realize that the cup of life is not only a cup of sorrow but also a cup of joy will we be able to drink it."

I think this is part of the reason why Jesus was always found spending time with the least, the last and the lost. I think not only did He want to share about His father with them, but because they knew something about brokenness and being lost...and Jesus came for such as those.

I want THAT type of community. How 'bout you?